Lost in This World
by carolinebenson
Summary: Carly has finally accepted her son's fate, but with acceptance comes despair and grief. She has closed herself off to everyone, including Jason. Jason is determined to help her through her grief. Will his love and support enough to see her through? Jarly
1. Chapter 1

It had been two weeks since Michael was transferred to the private facility in New York and he hadn't spoke to Carly since the day of the move. Jason had left several messages for her, but she hadn't returned his calls. He wasn't going to push her. He figured she needed her space and although he hated to admit it he assumed she was leaning on Jax for support.

He had been her support that first week immediately after the accident. He had to be strong for her and by doing so it had made it easier for him to cope with his own loss. The last two weeks he didn't have her to focus on and his own grief had started to consume him. He spent his nights looking through pictures of him, Carly and Michael. He would cry silent tears for his son. For in his mind and heart no matter what was written on a legal document. No matter who Carly married. Michael was and would always be his son. The son he willingly shared with others.

In those two weeks he had spent away from Carly he had found a way to come to terms with his grief. It still hurt like hell to know his child was no longer able to play, walk and talk, but he knew Michael would want him to move on and help his mother and brother to do the same. Michael wouldn't want them to suffer because of his lost.

He had woken up this morning with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He needed to see for himself how Carly was doing. He had given her enough space. Maybe he was being selfish, but he needed her to need him. He wasn't use to her leaning on someone else. Two weeks without a word from her was eating him up inside. He tried to call her on her cell and at home, but once again it went to voicemail. He left yet another message and then tried the hotel. The hotel manager told him Carly had not been back to work since the incident and if he saw her to let her know everyone on staff was thinking of her. Jason jumped on his bike and headed to Carly's. He was going to make sure she was ok.

He knocked on the door several times, but no one answered. He went to use his key, but found the door was already open. _"She knows better than that."_ He though to himself as he turned the knob and entered the house. "Carly" He called and looked around the deserted living room. "Carly" He said again his voice growing in volume. He looked in the kitchen and then came back out to the steps that lead upstairs. "Carly" He yelled as he walked up the stairs.

He continued to call her name until he reached the doorway of Michael's room. Her name caught in his throat when he saw her. She was sitting on the floor beside Michael's bed. She was wearing red silk pajama shorts with a matching top. Her legs were crossed Indian style. Her arms were wrapped around a fuzzy brown rabbit that had clearly seen better days. It was missing patches of fur and there was rip at the tip of one of its ear. Carly's head rested atop the bunny and he could see tears slowly draining from her eyes. She looked tired and frail. Like she hadn't slept or eaten in weeks. Her eyes were sunk into her face and there were huge dark crescent shaped patches under them.

She hadn't acknowledged his presence and Jason found his voice. He spoke her name softly, "Carly". She still did not look up at him. He slowly made his way across the room and then sat down next to her on the floor. He took one hand and traced the hair that had fallen in her face along her cheek. "Carly" He said again and this time she looked up. His heart broke when she looked at him. Her skin was pale white and she had clearly lost about twenty pounds since the last time he had saw her. She gently spoke his name and her voice sounded child like. "Jason" He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and began to thread his fingers in her hair gently massaging her scalp. "I was worried about you. You haven't returned any of my calls." Carly leaned her head back into his touch and her neck and shoulders relaxed. "I..I…" there was a long paused and she looked confused. "I don't know why I didn't call you back. I was meaning too. I just never got around to doing it." "Where's Jax?" Jason asked as his gently massaged the nape of her neck. Her neck was more boney than he remembered. The soft, supple skin that he loved to touch was now rough and ridged.

"Jax had to leave town for a few days. He and Kate had some business to take care of that wouldn't wait."

Jason felt anger rising within him, but he pushed it down and managed to keep it out of his voice. "Morgan?"

"He's at summer camp. You just missed him."

"How long have you been sitting here?" He rubbed at her neck trying to ease her tension and coax her into talking to him.

"I sit here all the time." She answered.

"All the time?" Jason questioned.

He could feel her body stiffen as she spoke. "I can't do this Jase. I don't know how. How do I go on without my child? I go through the motions of living. I say all the right things to Jax. I try to be the perfect mother to Morgan and all the while I'm dying inside."

She hesitated and then continued, "At night when they've gone to sleep I come in here. I come in here and sit and cry. I cry till the tears won't come and my screams get caught in my throat and I almost choke on them. Then I slip back into bed right before Jax wakes up and pretend to be sleep. He goes to work. Morgan goes to camp and I come back here to cry."

Jason pulled her towards him till her head was resting on his chest. She kept talking "I can't be in this world while my child is in another. Lost in his own mind. I visit him. I visit my own child and I sit by his side and talk to him. I hold his hand and tell him about the things going on in Port Charles and all the while the voice inside my head is screaming for him to wake up. For him to open his eyes so I can tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am that I did this to him. I need to know he hears me when I tell him these things." She gasps for air. "I need to be with my son." An ocean of tears spilled out of her eyes all at once and raced down her face. Jason used his thumb to brush them off her cheeks.

"Carly you have to give it time." Jason told her.

"Time won't bring back my son. Time won't fill this emptiness inside of me and time won't change the fact that I'm the reason my son is lying motionless in a hospital bed with a bullet in his head."

"Punishing yourself won't change those things either."

Jason placed his arm around her waist and stood up bringing her up with him. She stood on unsteady legs so he kept his arm around her for support and led her out of Michael's room and into hers.

"Get dressed." He told her as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Why?" She asked.

"We're going for a ride on my bike. It helps me clear my head. Maybe it will work for you." Carly's lips pursed together and she was about to protest, but Jason quickly cut her off. "You're going. Get dressed or I'll dress you myself."

Carly got up, opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans. Jason exited the room and cursed at himself all the way down the stairs.

Why did he leave her alone for those two weeks?

Why the hell did he trust Jax to take care of her?

When he got his hands on Jax he would beat him within an inch of his life. He left her to go on business with Kate.

How could he leave Carly when it was more than obvious she needed help?

He couldn't see the dark circles under his wife's eyes?

Or that she lost weight and wasn't eating?

How could he live in the same house with her and not hear her sobs in the middle of the night? Or maybe he did, but just didn't go to her.

First he would take care of Carly and then he would deal with her so called husband.


	2. Chapter 2

They had been riding in silence for an hour. She didn't say two words to him when she came down the stairs. She just faithfully followed him outside to his bike, took the spare helmet, placed it on her head, and then she swung her leg over the seat and sat back on the bike behind Jason. Jason started the bike and headed towards a long stretch of winding country road right outside of town. It went on forever. Small farms sat off in the distance and the road was lined with acres of crops. It was the road he often traveled in the middle of the night, when his demons came back to haunt him.

At first Carly had resigned herself to sitting straight up. Her body ridged making sure there was as little contact as possible with his. She placed her hands behind her gripping the bar on the back of the bike. After about fifteen minutes she slowly started to lean into him. First he felt her legs tighten around his. Then her hands lightly touched his side, slowly finding their way to be wrapped around his waist. Her body slowly leaned into his until her head found its final resting place on his back. She still didn't say a word, but he was ok with that. Feeling her fragile body wrapped around him was more than enough to reassure him.

The silence gave him time to think. It was clear Carly was going through something far greater than grief. He had never heard her sound so defeated. There was no spark in her eyes. No fire behind them not even anger. Normally, she would have lashed out and done something impulsive. Not this time. This time she had retreated so far within herself that he could barely reach her. He was afraid for her.

Maybe she was having another breakdown? Or suffering from depression? He wasn't sure what it was, but he was going to make sure she got the help she needed. He couldn't lose her. Not her. Not now.

The miles ticked off and his mind kept thinking. He finally settled on a course of action. Jax was out of town for a few days. Morgan was in summer camp during the day. He would have Bobbie take care of him at night. Carly was going to come home with him. She was going to get out of that house. Out of Michael's room. He would get her to eat and sleep. He would try to convince her to see Lainey. She also needed to get checked out by a doctor. He didn't like the physical changes that were happening to her. It was possible she had some health problems that need to be addressed. Confident with the course of action he had chosen, He did a u-turn and headed back to Port Charles.

An hour later he pulled into the garage of the penthouse and shut off the engine to the bike. Carly didn't move. She made no attempt to dismount. Jason took of his helmet and hung it on the handle bars. He cranked his neck around to see her. He could only see her out of the corner of his eyes, but he could tell her eyes were closed. She had fallen asleep. He didn't know what to do. She needed to sleep, but he couldn't continue riding. She needed to be stretched out comfortably in a bed.

He slid his left leg from around the bike and reached back with his left arm to hold her in place. When he had two feet firmly planted on the same side of the bike and his arms securely wrapped around the sleeping Carly. He tried to figure out how to get her off without waking her. He used one hand and managed to fumble off her helmet. Carly sighed a few times, but her eyes didn't open. He placed the helmet on the seat in front of her and then gently pulled her up and when her body lifted up far enough off the seat. He adjusted his arms and place on behind her neck and the other at the small of her back and then he scooped her up into his arms. Her long blonde locks flopped down towards the ground. He gently tossed her up in his arms and repositioned her so her head rested on his chest. She moved. Jason stood still and she settled back down in his arms snuggling herself up against his body. Jason smiled and headed for the elevator.

He took her straight upstairs to his room. He pulled back the satin sheets and placed her in his bed. He lay there next to her for a little while watching her breathe. He was trying to figure out his next step when realized he had no food in the house. He and Spinelli were living the bachelor life. Take out was their means of substance. He eased himself out of bed and went downstairs to check the kitchen. It was worse than he thought. There was no way he was going to put meat back on her bones with the things he had in his kitchen He needed to go to the grocery store, but he didn't want to leave her there. What if she woke up and left before he got back? What if she needed him? He reached for the phone and called Max.

Fifteen minutes later Max had arrived and they were making a list of all of Carly's favorite foods. Pizza being at the top of the list and Max was off to the store. The front door had just closed when a shrieking scream came from upstairs. Jason raced up the stairs to her. She was sitting up in the bed, eyes closed, hands stretched out before her. Reaching. Screaming over and over again "Michael! Michael!"

Jason crawled into the bed beside her. "Carly! Carly!" He yelled over her screams and shook her by her shoulders. Her eyes opened and she looked at him and then began to cry uncontrollably. He held her close and rocked her. When the sobs subsided she looked up out of his chest and examined her surroundings.

"Why am I here?" she asked as she took in his bedroom.

"You feel asleep on the bike. I brought you here so you could rest."

Carly flung her legs over the side of the bed. "Thank-you, but you can take me home now. Morgan should be getting home soon."

"It's okay. I already took care of it. He's going to spend the night at Bobbie's."

"Like hell he will!" Carly yelled. She jumped up out of the bed and began to look search the floor. "Where are my shoes?" She asked with urgency in her voice. Jason watched as she found them in front of the dresser and slipped them on her feet.

"Carly there's no need for to go home. Jax is out of town. Morgan's safe with Bobbie. I want you to stay here tonight." He tried to take the plea and concern out of his voice, but he was pretty sure she heard it.

"I need to go home." She said in a desperate tone. "I need to be close to Michael's things."

Jason placed a hand on her shoulder. "You can be close to Michael right here. I feel Michael here all the time. I go downstairs and I can see him playing on the living room floor with his toys scattered everywhere. I stand by the terrace and remember how many nights I did that same thing with Michael in my arms. Starring into the night sky pointing out constellations to him. You don't have to sit in his room to feel him. He's all around you, right here. This is where the journey began. Across the hall is where he took his first steps, said his first word. Where I found you passed out on the floor in labor. This is where Michael started. There.." He pointed out the door. "Is where he ended. I'm not going to let you sit in that room and wallow in guilt and grief. I'm going to help you whether you like it or not."

"There.." She pointed in the same direction Jason had. "Is where I need to be. Where I deserve to be. I know you want to catch me. It's what you've always done, but you can't this time." Carly bolted for the door and he caught her by her forearm. She looked at him with haunted eyes, "I love you to much to drag you into this place I live in." "And I love too much to leave you there." Carly jerked her arm away from him and ran down the stairs. She was running from him. From his help and his love. She thought she didn't deserve either.

He chased after her and caught her just as she flung open the door and ran smack dead into Max and his arm full of groceries. "Hi Mrs. C..I mean Mrs. J" She looked at the bags in his arms and then looked back at Jason. "Ugh" She grunted "I'm not staying." She said and pushed past Max. Max gave Jason a questioning look, but Jason had no time to explain. "Put the bags in the kitchen." He told him as he rushed past to catch Carly.

She was standing in front of the elevator jabbing at the button over and over again when Jason came up behind her. He grabbed her by her waist and hoisted her in the air and over his shoulder.

He only said two words. "You're staying." and he carried her back into the penthouse.


	3. Chapter 3

Jason thanked Max for the groceries and asked him for one more favor. He asked him to go to Carly's house and pick up the clothes Bobbie had packed up for her and bring them over. Max nodded. "You know I'd do anything for her." He gave Carly a sympathetic look. She was curled up in the corner of the couch with her knees drawn into her body. Her face set in a hard expression. She was pissed and he wanted to get out of there before she exploded. He rushed towards the door. "I'll be back." He said and quickly exited.

"If you ever do that to me again.." she started, but Jason cut her off. "Go upstairs and take a bath." He ordered. "You smell like you haven't showered in weeks." Carly's eye's widened in indignation. "I don't smell." She snapped. "Yes, you do." Jason snapped back. "and I'm not going to have you stinking up the place. Go upstairs and take a bath." She pressed herself back into the sofa in a show of defiance. "I'll strip you down myself if I have too." He made a motion toward her and she rolled her eyes, got up off the couch and stomped her way up the stairs. "Use some of that scented stuff Sam left here under the bathroom sink." He yelled up the stairs after her, desperately trying to console the amusement in his voice. She was definitely not going to make this easy, but he wasn't going to make easy for her either.

He went into the kitchen and started to put away the groceries Max had left on the counter. Her words haunted him._ "I love you to much to drag you into this place I live in._" He wanted her to open up to him. Let him help her with her pain, but he had a funny feeling that was asking more than she was willing to give. Carly was trying to protect him from the ugliness she had inside her. She believed this was the life she deserved and she had no intention on being happy ever again. He wanted to show her she could be happy and still grieve for Michael. She could enjoy life and still miss their son.

She was withering away in front of his eyes. He had to get some food in her. He reached for a can of chicken noodle soup. He opened it and placed in a pot on the stove on low and made his way back into the living room. He sat on the couch and pulled out his cell phone.

"Hi, thanks for taking care of Morgan." He said.

"You don't have to thank me. He's my grandson and she's my daughter." Bobbie sighed.

"She's going through a really tough time. I know I've been there before."

"How can I help her?" He asked.

"Do just what you're doing. Love her. Give her reasons to want to wake up in the morning and face another day. Show her that life doesn't have to end for her too. It won't be easy. She has so much guilt over what happened. She blames herself, which might be partially true, but she won't be able to move on until she forgives herself. If she doesn't find away to do that I fear she may never come out of this." There was another sigh, "Tell her I love her and Morgan is fine. I'll bring him by tomorrow."

"I will."

"Jason."

"Yes"

"If anyone can get her through this it's you. She probably won't say it to you, but she needs you now more than ever."

"I know. I won't let her down. I promise."

The phone went dead. He closed it and leaned back on the couch. "I have no clue how I'm going to do it." He said out loud to no one.

There was a knock at the door and them Max entered. "I got her bag."

Jason got up and took the bag from Max. "Thanks. Can you do me a favor and keep a close out on things for the next few days? Call me if anything major happens, but otherwise I don't want to be disturbed. I need time to be with her." Jason raised his head and gestured towards the stairs.

"I understand. Call me if you need anything." Max let himself out the penthouse.

Jason took the bag and brought it upstairs into his room. He would let her sleep here. Spinelli was out of town with Maxie, but Carly wouldn't feel at home in that room. His room was familiar. He would sleep on the couch. He placed the bag on the bed and searched for a pair of pajamas. He couldn't find any. Bobbie must have forgotten them in her rush to pack. He reached into his drawer and pulled out one of his white T-shirts.

He went to the bathroom door and knocked. Then knocked again. After the third knock he turned the knob and found the door was locked. He called her name twice the second time louder than the first, but there was still no answer. He dropped the T-shirt and positioned himself against the door and rammed it with his shoulder. The door flew open, splintered wood flew in the room. Carly jumped to her feet, but the bubbles made the tub slippery and she felt herself sliding backwards. Water spilled out of the tub and she felt her headphones jerk out of her ears. She closed her eyes and waited for the impact. She didn't try to grab for something. She didn't try to put her arm down to break the fall. She just closed her eyes and floated into the air. Jason caught her right before her head made impact with the side of the porcelain tub.

Jason's heart was racing. He almost didn't get to her in time. He cradled her wet, naked body against himself. The bathroom floor was covered in bubbles and water. The water from her body drenched his shirt and dripped down on to the floor. "_She closed her damn eyes. She wanted to hurt herself." _He thought to himself.

Carly opened her eyes. "Why didn't you just let it me fall" She yelled and beat at him with her fist. "I want to be with him. I was going to be with him."

She started to wiggle in his arms. She was soapy and wet. His hands slid over her bare skin as she jerked in his arms and Jason had to grip her tighter in order to keep her from falling.

"_She was crying. She was crying because he had caught her."_ She was ripping his heart apart.

He carefully made his way out of the bathroom and deposited her on the chaise lounge in the corner. She curled up in a ball and cried. He grabbed a towel and sat next to her using the towel to pat her dry. She looked up at him, "I don't want to be here anymore." She confessed. "I want to be with Michael. I want to be with my son." Jason wrapped the towel around her and held her close. "And I want you here with me. I need you here with me."


	4. Chapter 4

Carly sobbed in Jason's arms for several more minutes and than choked back the tears. "I'm fine" she said sniffled.

Jason held her closer. "No you're not." He whispered.

"I'm fine" Carly said again this time she pushed herself away from Jason.

Jason reached for her and she pulled back further. "Can you give some space?" She spit out and reached for the towel that had fallen between them.

Jason stood. There was an unfamiliar awkwardness between them. "You should get dressed. Bobbie packed you a few things. There over there on the bed." He pointed to the bag and then walked towards the bathroom and picked up the T-shirt that was on the floor. Water dripped from it. "She forgot to pack you pajamas. I was bringing you one of my T-shirts." Carly looked annoyed. "Can you leave." She snapped and Jason just ignored the comment. He didn't know if he should leave her. Not after what he had just witnessed. He wanted to give her space, but was afraid to so he just kept on talking. "You can help yourself to another one." He dropped the wet shirt back on the floor. "You can use anything you can find in the dresser."

Carly rolled her eyes. "Get the hell out!" She yelled. Jason ignored her and continued talking to her as if they were holding a normal conversation. "I put some soup on for you. I'll go get and bring it up to you." "I'm not hungry." Carly said, but Jason had already left the room and closed the door.

She sat there starring at the ceiling for a few minutes.

_I was so close. So close._

_Ahhh, Damn't why did he catch me. _

_Why didn't he just let me go? _

_I don't want to stay here. _

_I can't. _

_Not with out my son. _

_Not without my baby. _

_How can I? _

_Why? Why? _

She stood up and walked over to the dresser and pulled out one of Jason's shirts and slipped it over her head. She starred at the mirror.

"It's all your fault. You did this to him. He took your baby to punish you." She pointed at herself in the mirror. "God's punishing you for all your lies and schemes and plans. For all the lives you ripped apart. This is your punishment."

She looked up at the ceiling. "But it's not right. If you wanted to punish me you should done it to me. Not my baby. Not my innocent baby."

Her volume increased. "I'm the selfish one. I'm the one that made the wrong choices. I deserve to be punished, he doesn't." She banged her fist against the top of the dresser. "I'll do anything. Anything. Just..just...open his eyes."

She was sniffling and crying. "Open his eyes." She demanded.

" I'll make a deal with you." She pleaded. "If you can promise me right now that you'll give him back to me. I'll walk out in front of the first car I see. Just send back my child."

A waterfall of tears fell down her face. She launched herself face first onto the bed. She buried her face in the bed and screamed. Her arms and legs beat against the bed as she fought off an invisible assailant.

She was so angry.

Angry at Sonny.

Angry at Kate.

Most of all angry with herself.

She was either swimming in an ocean of despair or consumed by anger.

She was either crying herself into oblivion or lashing out at the closest person to her. "_Jason."_ She thought.

She lie still on the bed. _"Why did he come get her?"_

She was purposely avoiding him the last few weeks. She was lost in this world of pain and suffering. She didn't want to drag him in. She didn't want to torture him with her pain. She wanted him to go away and leave her alone. This was her punishment. This was her sorrow. There was no place for him in it.

Jason stood outside the bedroom door holding the food tray with trembling hands. He heard most of it. He heard her begging and pleading with God to take her instead of Michael. He heard her cursing herself for causing this to happen and he heard her muffle scream. He wanted to drop the tray, rush in there and console her, but he was pretty sure that would just feed her fury. Carly didn't want to be consoled. She thought she deserved this despair. She wasn't going to allow anyone to tell her different. She wasn't going to allow him to help her.

He knocked on the door and then slowly opened it. Carly was sitting up in the bed wearing one of his shirts. "It's a little hot." He said as he placed the tray on the nightstand next to the bed and sat down next to her.

"I'm not hungry." Carly snapped.

Jason continued to ignore her comments. "You can sleep in here. I'm going to bunk downstairs on the couch."

"I want to sleep in my own house." She said with animosity.

Jason continued in his calm even tone. "If you need anything let me know. I'll fix the bathroom door in the morning. You can use the one in the hall until then."

He patted her on her bare thigh and stood. Carly was sitting up in the bed with her arms crossed around herself. Her face set in anger, but he could see the tracks left by her tears. He could see the pain in her eyes. He bent down and gave her a long kiss on her forehead and for a second there Carly forgot she was supposed to be angry. She closed her eyes just as his lips pressed against her forehead and she melted into his touch.

She caught herself and pulled away. "I don't need you." She proclaimed "and I'm leaving in the morning.

"Yes you do and no you're not." Jason told her. "and don't try to sneak out. I have a guard on the door and downstairs. You're not going anywhere until I say so."

He walked over to the door and Carly took the bowl of soup and threw it after him. It hit the door just as Jason closed it.

Jason fell down on the couch. He was going to call Lainey in the morning. He needed some advice. Carly was not making this easy. He had just assumed he could bring her home spend some time with her, get her to talk to him and he could make everything alright. But every time he got her to open up a little. Every time it appeared she was going to confide in him. Her defensives kicked in gear and she became angry, even bitter. He was trying not to take it personally. He knew it was her way of getting him to back off when he got to close, but she was a master at wielding words as a weapon and sometimes the words cut deep. The words,_ I don't need you,_ cut him the deepest.


	5. Chapter 5

Carly stretched in the bed. Her mind still filled with a haze of sleep. Her body felt lethargic and she had to will herself to stay awake. She lay with her eyes closed and a mist of fog in her mind.

"_Why hadn't Jax woke her up yet? Where were Michael and Morgan? They never left without at least giving her a kiss. Had she slept through the kiss?"_

She wrenched her tongue in her dry mouth and swallowed. She felt so tired, but her body was aching from being sedentary for so long. She stretched her legs, moaned and then rolled over. She was still undecided on if she should continue on this return to consciousness or squeeze her eyes closed tighter and fall back to sleep. She took a deep breath and took in the scent of the pillow.

"_Jason" _

An involuntary smile curled her mouth as the feeling of love and security enfolded her. Just the though of Jason could do that to her. She took in another deep breath and she could almost feel his arms around her.

"Jason" she said again, except this time she said the words out loud a whisper into the pillow.

Jason heard Carly stir in the bed. He was sitting on the chaise lounge in the corner where he had slept last night. Last night when he had left her he had gone down to the couch to sleep, but he tossed and turned for hours.

Her words haunted him.

Her eyes burned into his soul.

He kept seeing her closing her eyes and falling, except he wasn't there this time to catch her.

He woke abruptly and ran up the stairs to check on her. Once he had reassured himself she was alright he couldn't find the strength to leave her again. He needed to be close to her. So he had made himself comfortable on the chaise and sat there watching her breath until he fell asleep.

The morning sun came through the window and woke him. He quickly closed the curtains before the rays could reach Carly. He wanted her to sleep as long as she needed. He went downstairs and took care of some business so his day would be free to spend with Carly. He made her breakfast, which consisted of a bagel, fruit and coffee He took it upstairs and placed it on the nightstand next to the bed and watched her for awhile. When she didn't stir, he went back downstairs and called Lainey.

It was now 3 in the afternoon. The coffee was cold. The bagel was hard and Carly had just begun to wake up. He watched her as she stirred in the bed. She made this funny looking face as she pursed her lips and swallowed. She stretched like a cat and then moaned. Jason shook his head and smiled. Carly was even dramatic in her sleep. He watched as the edges of her mouth turned up into a lazy smile and his mouth automatically mimicked hers. Then he heard her whisper his name.

Jason rose from the chair and approached the bed. He wasn't sure if she was awake or just dreaming. He walked around to the other side of the bed and positioned himself next to her on the bed with his back pressed up against the headboard and his legs stretched out in front of him.

Carly could feel the fog in her mind dissipating. Her feelings of security and warmth were quickly being replaced by feelings of despair and lost. The smile that curved her lips dissolved and her brow furrowed. She squeezed her eyes closed tighter and gasped for air, for Jason's scent. If she tried really hard she could go back to those feelings of safety she had just felt, but she couldn't hold back the cold hard reality of her situation and haziness dissipated and she was left feeling empty and alone. "Michael" She said his name just as her eyes snapped open and saw Jason sitting next to her. Instinctively she reached for him and he took her into his protection.

Jason held Carly as she sobbed her tears felt warm as they fell against his bear chest. He stroked his hands through her curls. She had fallen asleep with her hair wet and it had dried into tight blonde tendrils that he rolled in between his fingers.

Carly lifted her head from Jason's bear chest. Her sobs subsiding. She was blinking rapidly as she swiped at her eyes and cheeks blotting out and traces of tears. When she felt her composure return she tried to speak. "What.." Her first word caught in her throat and she swallowed hard and tried it again. "What time is it?" She asked. "It almost 3:30." Jason answered and released a curl that was wrapped around his finger. He watched it bounce back into place. Carly shot up. "I have to go. Morgan…" "Bobbie is picking him up from camp. She's going to bring him by." Jason said before she could finish her sentence. "Maybe you should get dressed before he gets here." He suggested.

Carly didn't like Jason assuming she was ok with "his" plans. How dare he plan a "visit" with her son. "I'll get dressed and when mamma gets here you can take Morgan and I home." She rose from the bed and walked across the room to the bag that held her clothes.

Jason sighed inwardly. He guessed the moment was over. Carly was going back to being combative. He wasn't in the mood for it. Not after the moment they just shared. His emotions were raw and he wasn't going to let her reach in with her stick and poke at them. He rose from the bed and walked over to the chair and picked up his shirt. He pulled it on over his head and then walked over to the door. He put on his enforcer face. The one that left no room for compromise. "You're not going any where." He said sternly and then left out the room closing the door behind him. His face softened when the door closed. He had her back for a few moments. It was a few moments longer than last night. Maybe he was getting through. He went downstairs to make a snack for Morgan.

Carly stomped around the room as she got dressed. He couldn't do this. He couldn't keep her here against her will. Why wouldn't he just leave her alone? Why wouldn't he just go away, like Jax had?

Jax had tried so hard to comfort her. To be there for her, but she pushed him away over and over again. At first he kept coming back, kept trying, but when she had told him that he couldn't imagine her pain because Michael was not his son she had hit him to far below the belt.

She told Jax that it was easy for him to get over what had happened to Michael because Michael was nothing more than a place holder for him. A substitute son until he could have one of his own.

She saw in his eyes how deep her words were cutting him, but she went in for the kill. She just wanted him to leave her alone.

She told him he wanted her to forget about her son and move on to have his like the two were interchangeable. Two days later Jax left on business and she got her wish.

She was alone.

That was until Jason showed up and now no matter how hard she pushed he kept coming back. Jason wasn't Jax. He wouldn't be deterred by her anger or some well placed hateful words. Jason would never turn his back on her and the look he had given her when he left the room had certainly confirmed that. He wasn't going to leave her alone no matter how hard she tried to push him away. He could be just as stubborn as her.


	6. Chapter 6

Jason stood in the kitchen packing a bag. He had already made the sandwiches and packed them in the cooler. He packed another cooler filled with the sodas. Bobbie was stopping by Kelly's and picking up macaroni salad and cole slaw. He just needed to pack up the chips, a few napkins and the utensils then they would be set for their picnic in the park.

The idea had come to him while he listened to Carly stomp around in his room. She had just slammed shut a dresser drawer while simultaneously sending her foot crashing to the ground. The "Boom" shook through the penthouse and in that moment he knew just how to make her smile again. He finished packing the bag just as he heard Carly come pounding down the stairs. She was taking extra care to be sure she pounded each step harder than the last.

Jason came out of the kitchen, bag in hand just in time to see Carly make her dramatic entrance. Carly stomped both feet down from the last step, took a menacing stance and dropped her bag with her clothes in it at her feet. "When mamma gets here she going to take Morgan and I home." She announced.

Jason placed his bag down on the coffee table. "When Bobbie gets here we are all going to the park." He said as he crossed the room to her and pointed behind him at the bag filled with chips and goodies.

"You hate the park." Carly told him as she maneuvered herself out of his grasp. "And you hate picnics." Carly added as she went to the bag and inspected its contents.

"I don't." Jason said defensively. "I just don't like how you try to make it an all day affair. From sun up to sun down."

"I do not." Carly said with a small smile on her face. "I don't go until at least noon." She said defensively. "Besides it doesn't matter. I'm not going today. Morgan and I are going home and if you won't take us mamma will."

Jason walked into the kitchen and Carly followed. Carly stood with one foot in front of the other and one hand resting on her hip with the other placed on the counter for balance. She was waiting for Jason to respond to her declaration, but Jason simply picked up the cooler and pushed past her back out into the living room.

Carly stood alone in the kitchen for a few seconds. Then she huffed and followed behind him. She walked into the living room ready to raise hell, but Jason simply put his hand out in a motion to stop her from speaking. "It's a nice day out and even if you don't want to go Morgan will enjoy it." Carly was ready to protest, but Jason continued. "He misses you. He needs his mother." Carly's shoulders relaxed in defeat. Her mind was processing Jason's words.

_It had been a long time since she spent some quality time with Morgan. Besides it would probably be easier for her to get back home from the park. She could talk Bobbie into taking them home or her and Morgan could sneak off. Going to the park could work to her benefit_.

"Fine" Carly said and then went to check out what was packed in the cooler.

Jason saw the look in her eye as she processed his words. He also knew that look was her formulating a plan. She was going to try and run away from him. He almost had to laugh at how transparent she was to him, but he would let her believe she had a chance of escape. At least she was planning and scheming and not arguing or crying. It was a step in the right direction.

There was a knock at the door and Carly went to open it and her mother's smile greeted her. "Mamma." She said and then gave her mother a hug.

She pulled back from Bobbie just as a pint size stick of dynamite came bounding in the room yelling "Mommy" and then launched himself into Carly's arms. Carly scooped up her son and gave him a great big bear hug. Morgan was smiling from ear to ear and so was Carly.

Carly carried him out of the door way and sat him down on the couch. She took a seat next to him. "How was camp?" She asked. Morgan immediately launched into a detailed explanation of his day. "This morning we played baseball and …" Carly soaked up every word. She laughed at the funny parts and intently listened to her son explain about how the girl with red hair had taken his spot at lunch and he ended up sitting alone. Carly gave him a sympathetic expression. This was all Morgan needed because he went directly into talking about his swim in the lake and how he felt little fishes tickling his feet.

Carly waited for Morgan to pause for breath and the interrupted him. "Guess what?" She said to him. "What mom?" He asked. "You're supposed to guess." She teased him and then reached across to tickle his belly. Morgan giggled. "How would you like for all of us." She pointed at Jason and Bobbie and then herself and Morgan. "to go on a picnic in the park." Morgan's eyes grew wide and then he bounced up and down on the couch. "Let's go. Let's go." He said and then jumped off the couch towards the door.

"Hold up." Jason said to Morgan. "You have to help carry something." Morgan took off across the room and grabbed the blanked that Jason had placed next to the cooler. "Come on. Get something." Morgan told the rest of the grownups as he stood at the door with the both arms wrapped around the blanket and he hugged it to his chest. Only his eyes and dark hair showed above the blanket.

Bobbie picked up the bag with the chips and Jason picked up the cooler with the sandwiches and salads. Carly walked over to the steps and picked up her clothes bag. Jason almost laughed out loud. He shook his head went over and released her hand from the straps and then handed her the strap to the cooler with the sodas in it. Carly gave him a quick evil eye and the put the strap on her shoulder. They were just about to leave when a cell phone rang.

Bobbie fumbled to get her cell phone out of her purse. Carly reached over and took the chip bag out of her hands to allow her to get her phone.

"Hello."

"But I just got off."

"I know, but I was on the way out. Isn't there anyone else?"

_There was a long pause._

"Fine, but only for a few hours. Until you can get someone else to come in."

Bobbie hung up the phone and turned to Morgan. "I'm sorry honey. I have to go back to work." "Ahhh" Morgan said and Bobbie cupped his chin. "I'll make it up to later, but you'll still have fun with your mom and Jason." Morgan nodded and Bobbie kissed him on the forehead. Bobbie went over to Carly. "Sorry honey. We'll spend some time together soon." She kissed her daughter on the cheek. "Real soon." Carly said and returned the kiss. Bobbie gave Jason a look that silently told him to take care of her daughter and Jason nodded in response letting her know he would and then she left.

Morgan looked little disappointed and Jason thought it was a good time to tell him his news. "Well I guess Bobbie is going to miss my surprise." Morgan's eyes widened. "Surprise? What surprise?" He asked and looked at Carly. "I don't know?" Carly told him. Jason smiled. "It's a surprise for you and your mommy and your both going to have to wait cause I'm not telling no matter how much you beg." Morgan smiled and then launched into trying to guess what the surprise was. Jason took the extra bag from Carly's hands and they left.

It was around 5:30 when they arrived at the park. Jason picked out a spot in the clearing near the playground and he spread the blanket out. Morgan was jumping up and down pointing at the playground. "Eat first." Carly told him and Morgan stuck out his lower lip and sat down on the blanket. They ate and Morgan kept trying to guess the surprise. "A pony" He said and Jason just shook his head no.

They finished their meal and cleaned up the mess. Carly had just thrown away the last bit of trash when Morgan screamed playground and took off towards the swings. He jumped on a swing and called back to Carly. "Push me Mommy. Push me." Carly looked back at Jason who was acting like he was still cleaning up and then she jogged over to the playground.

Jason put down the bag that was in his hands and smiled as he watched her position herself behind Morgan and give him a shove. She was smiling and laughing. It was working. She was forgetting her sorrow for awhile. He was pretty sure this wasn't a permanent fix, but Carly needed to remember she had another son that needed her. There was no way she could wallow in guilt and sorrow when his namesake was pleading with her to push him higher on the swing.

"Higher! Higher!" Jason could hear Morgan voice as he walked closer to the playground. Jason sat on the teeter totter across from the swings and watched Morgan with his mother.

"I think that's high enough." Carly told Morgan as the swing came back and she refused to push him any more. "Come on Mom. I'm a big boy now I can go higher." "Big boys that can go higher don't need their mom to push them. They can go high all by themselves." She told him and then put her hands in her pockets as the swing came back down towards her.

The swing swung back and forth and began to slow. "Mom" Morgan cried and Carly took her hands out of her pockets and gave him a huge shove as the swing came down. "Yeah!" Morgan yelled and Carly gave him another push. The swing began to climb higher and Morgan laughed out loud when the swing went into the air. "I can jump!" Morgan yelled as the swing swung back to Carly. Carly eyes opened big. "Oh no you don't." She told him. The swing went forward and Morgan said, "I can do it and land on my feet!" Carly reached for the chain when the swing came back down and she held the swing till it came to a halt. "Mom" Morgan wined and then saw Jason sitting on the teeter totter. He jumped down and ran across to him calling for Carly as he went.

Carly helped Morgan on and then positioned herself behind him. Jason held the teeter totter level as Carly and Morgan situated themselves. When they both looked ready Jason bent his knees and pushed off sending them off. Carly caught it on her side and pushed off.

They spent the next ten minutes going up and down and laughing while doing it. Then a familiar song started to play in the distance. Morgan was the first to hear it. "Ice Cream!" He yelled and then when their side came down he jumped off before Carly's feet even hit the ground and he started running toward the sound of the music. Jason quickly put his feet on the ground to balance them and Carly disembarked and took off after Morgan. Jason slid off and went after both of them.

Fifteen minutes later the three of them were resting on the blanket. Carly and Jason had finished their ice cream, but Morgan was savoring every bit of his. Carly reached for a napkin and then dabbed at Morgan's face where ice cream adorned the tip of his nose and his cheeks. There were also traces of melted ice cream running down his hand where he held the cone.

"You should eat it faster." Carly told him as she tried to wipe his hands.

Carly looked up at the sky. It had to be late the lights were starting to come on in the park. She looked down at her watch. It was almost nine. They had been out in the park a long time. Morgan saw his mother look at her watch. "We can't leave. Jason hasn't given us his surprise." Carly looked at Jason. "It's coming in a few more minutes." Jason told Morgan and Carly looked at him skeptically and then reached for the melted reminisce of Morgan's ice cream cone. She took it and discarded it in the trash and then pulled out a wet one to clean up his face and hands.

Carly looked at Jason. "We really need to go. It's getting late." Jason shook his head. "One more minute." He said as he looked down at his watch. He reached over for Carly and Morgan and positioned them on the blanket pointing them toward the clearing. Carly was about to protest when a loud BOOM, BOOM, BOOM sounded and the dark sky light up in color. "Fireworks!" Morgan yelled and clapped in excitement. "And it's not even a holiday." He said as bounced up and down on the blanket. There were a few more booms and the color splashed across the black canvas in the sky. Carly looked at Jason in astonishment. He had done this for her.

Morgan sat back on the blanket and rested himself in between Carly's legs. Carly wrapped her arms around her son and they both starred into the sky watching the fireworks make pictures in the sky.

Other people started to gather and Jason sat beside Carly and Morgan as they watched the sky. Morgan ohhed and awed. Carly just smiled and this time her smile made to her eyes that were dancing with joy. Jason saw Carly was sitting stiff trying to support herself and Morgan's weight as the little boy leaned up against her so he moved on the blanket and put himself directly behind Carly.

Carly felt Jason's hard body behind her and instinctively she leaned back into him and rested her head on his chest. She watched as another wonder exploded in the sky.

_He had done this for her. After all the hurtful, mean things she had said. After all the things she had done to push him away. It had been a long time since someone had done something like this for her. Jax used to do things like this that was before they got married. Now he forgot to do the things that he used to do to when he was wooing her. Now all they did was argue. But Jason had taken the time between their bickering to do this for her. _

She looked up and her eyes met with his. She smiled and mouthed "Thank-you." Jason reached down and kissed her forehead. Carly and Morgan sat looking into the night sky and Jason sat looking at Carly and Morgan. He had only one thought running through his mind. He wouldn't loose what was left of his family. Never.


	7. Chapter 7

Jason was surprised at how quiet Carly was on the ride back. She didn't look upset. She just looked…indifferent. Like she could less about what was going on around her. He was even more surprised when they had arrived at the brownstone and Carly didn't bolt out of the truck running for freedom. Instead she had helped Morgan out of the truck and calmly walked him into the brownstone. Jason stayed close by waiting for Carly to make her great escape, but she never did. She simply lifted up her son gave him a hug and a kiss and told him she would see him tomorrow.

Morgan responded by asking Carly in a child like innocence, "Are we going back home when Jax gets back?" Before Carly could answer Morgan followed up with another question, "When is Jax coming home?" He asked. Jason could tell that Carly was caught off guard by the questions, but she recovered quickly. She placed Morgan back down on to the floor and then bent down till she was eye to eye with the little man. "We'll be going home soon." She answered, deliberately dodging the question about Jax since she wasn't sure if when Jax came back he would be returning home. "And I'm not too sure when Jax will be back. He's away on important business. Hopefully he'll be back soon." She said in voice that she hoped hid her own fear that he would never return and then messed up his hair and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

Just then Bobbie entered the room. "Grandma!" Morgan yelled and then flew across the room to Bobbie his mouth going 100 miles per hour. "You missed it grandma! You missed it! We had a picnic and played in the playground and then Jason made fireworks and it's not even a holiday or my birthday or nothing!" Bobbie interrupted Morgan's montage. "Wow! I missed all that." She said and gave Jason an eye wink of approval. "I wish I would have been there to see it." "Maybe Jason can do it again just for you." Morgan told her. Bobbie laughed, "That would be nice, but I'm okay with it. As long as you and your mom had a good time." Morgan nodded his head in agreement. "Mom had fun too." He announced. Bobbie smiled at her daughter. She held Morgan close to her and then sniffed. "Oh you smell." She said and turned up her nose. "No I don't grandma." Morgan rebutted "Yes you do." Bobbie said and then placed her grandson on the ground while waving her hand in front of her face. "You go upstairs and get ready and I'll be up in a second to start your bath." She told Morgan. Morgan kissed his mom one last time and ran up the stairs of the brownstone.

Jason waited for Carly to make her move, but she simply thanked her mom, kissed her on the check and walked out to the truck. Again, they rode in silence to the penthouse. He studied her face as he was driving. She didn't seem upset. She still looked unconcerned with the goings on around her.

She stared straight ahead the whole ride home. When they reached home Carly greeted the doorman and went directly to the elevator. When they got in the elevator she pushed the button for the penthouse and stood still. Jason reached for her hand. He was waiting for her to pull away, but instead she allowed him to place her hand in his and she gave him a faint smile. They entered the penthouse and Jason took the picnic gear into the kitchen, and then came back out with two beers in hand. He opened one and passed to Carly.

"Thank-you." She said.

"Anytime." Jason replied.

"No, I mean thank-you for tonight. Thank-you for the picnic and the fireworks." Jason shrugged as if to say it was nothing and went to move past her to his desk. She grabbed his forearm. "You didn't have to do it. Not after all the horrible things I've said and done to you last night. I can't believe you still did this for me after all that. I thought you'd run away like Jax."

Jason turned to her and firmly placed his hands onto her shoulders. He wanted to shake some sense into her. How dare she compare him to Jax, but instead he gentled his voice. "Carly, I'm nothing like Jax." He looked into her eyes for the recognition that she was hearing him. "I'm not like Sonny either. I'm not like any of the men that have passed through your life, because there is nothing you can do that would ever push me away from you. I will always" He emphasized the word "always" be here for you. You are my family."

He took her into his arms and held her. He knew she felt abandoned by Jax and God help him Jax was going to answer to him when he came back. This was going to be the last time Jax made Carly feel abandoned and alone.

Carly pulled back from him, beer bottle in hand and took a long swig from the bottle. She looked at her watch. It was almost ten thirty. She yawned. "I'm going to go upstairs and do some work before bed. I have to check in with things at the hotel. Someone needs to keep on top of things while Jax runs around with Kate." She said it jokingly, but Jason knew it hurt her. Jason walked over to the desk. "I have some work I need to do also." He told her and then sat down in front of the papers strewn all over the desk and he watched Carly as she made her way up the stairs. He smiled inwardly. She was coming back to him.

Carly paused in the middle of the staircase and turned back to Jason. "By the way, I don't want you sleeping on that chaise lounge chair it looks really hard and really uncomfortable."

"I'll be fine." Jason told her. "I'll sleep down here on the couch. The only reason I stayed on the chair is because I wanted to be near you."

She smirked. "You thought I would sneak by you in the middle of the night and escape."

"Something like that." He told her. He didn't want to tell her that the real reason was that he didn't trust that she wouldn't intentionally hurt herself.

"Well, you're not sleeping on the couch either." She told him.

Jason gave her a puzzled look. "_He sure as hell was not going to be sleeping in Spinelli's room."_ He thought to himself.

"Your bed is big enough for three people. We're both adults. We can sleep in the same bed together."

"I'm fine on the couch" Jason told her.

"No you're not. Besides I sleep better when you're near me." She sheepishly admitted.

"ding..ding..ding" Jason heard the bell ringing in his head. She had landed the knock out blow and he was down for the count. "Fine. Just remember to keep your hands to yourself" He told her.

Carly took another step up the stairs then stopped. "I'm a married woman." She told him.

"Like that's ever stopped you before." Jason teased.

Carly gave him a sharp look. "I guess it's a good thing we're only friends or I could be tempted." She quirked her head to the side at him and then made her way up the rest of the stair.

Jason watched her as she sashayed her hips up the stairs. He slunk down in the chair as wanton thoughts found their way into his mind. He vigorously shook his head and then focused on the disaster of papers in front of him.

An hour or so later Jason made his way up to bed. His bedroom door was cracked and he slowly pushed it open unsure if Carly was still working or asleep. When the door opened all the way he got his answer. Carly was sitting upright in the bed with her laptop in her lap, fingers still across the keyboard. Her head tilted to the side and her eyes shut. At least she had changed clothes. Jason thought to himself as he noticed his white T-shirt swallowing her up.

He went over to the bed and slowly slipped the laptop off of her and placed it on the lounge chair next to the bed. The he tried to maneuver Carly into a lying position. He pulled back the covers to maneuver her better and then froze. She was wearing his shirt and nothing else.

Her long bare legs were in front of him and the shirt was tucked underneath her and barely covered her bottom. Jason felt his body tense when he placed a hand on her upper thigh and the other on her back and then gently coaxed her down into a lying position. He took in a deep breath. His body was so tight and he felt, "oh no..no..no..no." He told himself as he realized it was desire that he felt coursing through his veins. He quickly flipped the covers back on to her body and went into the bathroom for a cold cold shower.

Jason came out the shower feeling a little better. He wasn't quite sure what had come over him. Every since he had found her in Michael's room alone and in need. He had the strange urge to wrap her up in his arms and protect her from the world. He had grown so accustomed to Carly being his warrior princess. Ready to do battle with anyone and everyone. Willing to put her neck on the line over and over again for the ones she loved. That he forgot how fragile she could be. The Carly he found in that room was vulnerable and in pain. The fight was gone from her and she needed someone to fight for her. He would always fight for her. He thought.

He looked at her in the bed as he pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms. He usually didn't wear these. He normally just slept in his boxers, but there was no way he was going to lie next to Carly with nothing more than his boxers between them, especially after the feeling he had felt a few minutes ago. She was sleeping so peacefully. A far cry from the way she had slept last night. The color was coming back to her face and the dark circles under her eyes were not as visible. A couple more nights of good sleep and they could be gone all together. She still looked thin, but she had eaten today at the picnic and he was pretty sure he could coax her into eating more. _"Maybe everything would be okay."_ He thought as he got into the bed next to her.

He reached over and brushed away the wayward strands of hair out of her face. Carly made a low breathy moan when his hand brushed her face and then she rolled over and placed her head on his bare chest. She wrapped her bare legs around his and Jason started to pant with desire. He could feel her breath on his chest as he fingered his hand through her hair. She made another sound and Jason's entire body went ridged. He took his arm and wrapped it around her waist. She snuggled on to him, fitting her body into his. Her bare legs were now intertwined with his. Jason closed his eyes took a deep breath and silently said "We're only friends" over and over again in his head until he finally fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jason woke in panic. He has his arm stretched out across the bed and the other side was empty. He reached out side to side to find her, but she wasn't there. She wasn't in the bed. His heart began to pound in his chest.

_Why had he fallen asleep? _

_Why hadn't he stayed up and watched her? _

He knew why. The warmth of her body wrapped around him had felt so good it had lulled him into a false sense of security. He had forgotten that just last night she had wanted to die. Fear gripped him. He sprung up out the bed searching the room for her.

_He shouldn't have slept. _

_He should have closely watched her. _

_He should have been on guard. _

_One normal night would not remove the darkness that plagued her soul. _

The bathroom door was open. Visions of Carly closing her eyes, welcoming the impact her skull would make against the porcelain rim of the tub ran through his head. His heart was in his throat as he entered the bathroom doorway.

She wasn't in there. He let go of the breath he didn't realize he was holding and then raced out the room to check the other bedroom and bathroom. There was still no sign of her. Panic began to consume him. He bounded down the steps and halted in the middle of them when he saw her.

She was dressed in his shirt. It stopped just above her knees. Her hair was twisted into blonde tendrils that framed her face. She was coming out of the kitchen with a coffee mug clasped in her hands. Jason exhaled in relief._ She was fine. She was here._

Carly looked up at him and immediately noticed the tension in his face. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing" Jason replied.

Carly gave him a half simile that melted his heart. "You thought I was somewhere with my wrist split open. Didn't you?" Jason didn't answer. "Don't worry. I'm not going to slit my wrist or take a nose dive in the bathtub." She could always read Jason's mind. It was amazing how she could do that. "I want you to do something for me." She said as she made her way back in to the kitchen.

Jason descended the remaining stairs. He reached the kitchen entrance just as Carly was coming out. This time carrying two coffee mugs. She handed one to him. "Just the way you like it." She said. "You ordered it?" Jason teased. Carly gave him a gentle punch in the shoulder. "It just so happens my coffee making skills have improved over the years." She said. Jason took a sip and then shook his head side to side. "Not that much better." He teased. "What do want me to do?" He asked.

"I want you to take me to see Michael." Jason gave her a concerned look, seeing Michael may not be the best thing for her right now. Not while she was just starting to smile again and come to terms with her loss. Seeing him there lying silently asleep might push her back in the wrong direction. Carly must have seen his concern in his eyes. "I need to go see Michael. Today." She re-iterated. "I need to explain some things to him." Jason looked curious. He wondered where she was going with this. "Yesterday was really great. Spending the day with Morgan in the park. Playing on the playground. Eating junk food and then watching the sky light up with fireworks. It reminded me of all the Fourth of July picnics we used to have with Michael when he was Morgan's age. It also reminded me that I failed Michael. I failed to protect him, but I'm also failing Morgan too. He needs me and I can't seem to find my out of this black hole to be the mother that he needs and deserves." She swallowed hard as if she was almost choking on the words. "I can't stay in the darkness with Michael. I want too. God knows I want too, but I need to figure out a way to wake up every morning and live my life so Morgan can have his mother." A tear fell from one eye. "I have to abandon Michael to be in that dark place all by himself. I want to explain to him why. I want to tell him it's not because I don't love him. Or because I've given up on him. I want him to know I would crawl bare kneed on glass to get to him if I could, but that would mean leaving Morgan behind and I know he wouldn't want me to do that." The tears were now freely flowing from both her eyes and streaming down her cheeks. "I failed Michael. I can't fail Morgan." She declared with confidence as she wiped the tears off her face with one hand and clutched the coffee mug with the other. Her confidence was betrayed by the shaking of the coffee mug. She was trying. She was trying really hard. "Will you take me?" She asked again. "Of course I will." He said and then reached for her. He wanted to fold her in his arms so she would know she was safe. She took a step back away from. "I can do this, Jase." She said. "I need to this." She headed towards the steps. "I'm going to get dressed." She said and then went up the stairs.

Jason stood there watching her go up the stairs. He was confused about Carly's sudden revelation. Carly seemed like she had finally figured out what everyone had been tell her. She had to snap out of this for Morgan. So she could be there for Morgan, but he wasn't sure if she had come to the realization for the right reasons. She new it was necessary, but she didn't want to do it. If there was an alternative she would have preferred to stay lost in the same darkness that consumed Michael. She would rather not wake up in the morning and go to work and do all the normal things she had done before Michael was shot. She would prefer to wallow forever in her grief.

Jason's thoughts were interrupted by a muffled ring. He searched the room and found the source. Carly's cell phone which was nestled deep down in her purse. He reached in and answered. "Hello"

"Where's Carly?" An Australian accented voice asked.

"Where the hell are you?" Jason snapped back.

Jax ignored the comment. "May I speak to my wife?" He asked again.

"She's getting dressed." Jason answered him.

"Fine. Can you tell her I'll be in away for a few more days? It's taking longer than I anticipated to handle this business with the magazine."

Jason's fist clutched at his side. "You left her." He accused.

"I went away on business." Jax corrected.

"You left her." Jason repeated.

"She didn't want me there." Jax snapped back at him. "Every time I tried to comfort her she pushed me away. She didn't want me there. So I left."

"You left her. I stayed away. I stayed away because she had her husband to take care of her. She had her husband to help her. How many times did you complain she never turned to you that she would always turn to me? And the one time she needed you the most. The one time she leaned on you for support. You ran. You couldn't take it."

"I was grieving too. I love Michael too, but Carly didn't want anyone to help her. All she wanted was to fight and accuse me of not loving Michael enough because he wasn't my real son. She accused me of not caring enough because Michael was Sonny's child and not my own. She accused me of being willing to give up on Michael and throw him to the wolves because Sonny was his father."

Jason didn't want to hear the excuses. "So you left her." He paused and tried to lower his voice. "Do you know how I found her? I found her sitting in Michael's room clutching one of his stuffed animals, rocking back and forth with tears streaming down her face. She was so far gone she didn't hear me shouting her name as I ran through the house looking for her. She didn't acknowledge my presence when I came in the room. She just rocked back and forth as silent tears poured out her eyes. Her eyes were swollen and red and she had dark circles under them like she hadn't slept in weeks. Her skin was pale and she looked like she hadn't eaten in days. She looked like she had lost at least ten pounds. She said she wanted to be with Michael. She wanted to die. I trusted you with her." He yelled. The words lased with accusation and regret. "I trusted you loved her enough to see through her lashing out and see how much pain she was in. I won't ever make that mistake again."

There was complete silence on the other end. Finally Jax muttered. "I'll be home tonight."

"No!" Jason told him. "The safest thing for you to do is stay away. I'm taking care of her. The way I should have been from the beginning. It would be in your own best interest to stay way. And we both know you always do what's in your own best interest."

"Are you threatening me?" Jax asked.

"It's not a threat. It's a promise. The next time I see you I'm going to break your nose and maybe a few ribs. The question is will I have enough restraint to stop there. Right now, I don't. The best thing for you would be to keep some distance between you and me until I can get some semblance of control. Stay in Europe or where ever the hell you are. Take care of your business and Kate. You're not needed here." Jason hung up the phone he was seething mad. His pulse was racing.

_What kind of man left his wife after her son had been shot in the head? _

_What kind of man let grief stricken words drive him away from the woman he claimed to love? _

Jax was not worthy of Carly and there was no way he as going to allow him back into her life. He could hear Carly moving through the hallway upstairs and he tried to tap down his anger. He didn't want her to see how upset he was. She would ask why and he wouldn't be able to lie to her. He managed to unclench his fist and soften his expression as he watched her coming down the stairs. It wasn't much work. The sight of her made his anger dissipate. She had changed into a simple pair of jeans and a pink t-shirt. The shirt had something written on it. Her hair was pulled back into a simple pony tail and she didn't have an ounce of make-up on. Jason thought she looked beautiful.

She stood in front of him and then stretched the t-shirt out so he could read the words. She looked down and read then to him, "World's Greatest Mom" Michael and Morgan gave this to me last Mother's Day. Michael picked it out. She looked up from the shirt and tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm ready." She said and then gave him a once over with her eyes. "You may want to get dressed too. We can't have you traipsing across town in your PJs."

Jason looked down. He had forgotten. He had jumped out the bed in a panic and hadn't put on his jeans or a shirt. He went towards the stairs. "It will only take me a minute." He told her. She nodded and sat back on the sofa and sipped the coffee. It had to be cold by now, but she blindly sipped at it as she stared at the photo of Michael sitting on the mantle. Jason hurried up the stairs to get dress.


End file.
